Posted on: April 27th, 2009 by Lori Deschene - 34 Comments
In a recent post I explored a few ways to practice kindness on a daily basis. What I failed to mention is that I sometimes limit my kindness–and I wish I didn’t have to.
Six years ago when I was living in NYC, I met two middle-aged men at a Times Square Internet Café who were homeless. They were bright; in fact, they operated an online software help company that had once been a promising business. After 9-11, they lost their funding and clients, and decided to go for broke–to stay in NYC, despite their dwindling funds, and put everything into the company. When I met them, they were thousands in the hole and close to having their servers shut down.
I could relate to being destitute and determined. I’d blown all my money on a work-from-home business that failed, and had just moved into a single room occupancy building where my entire living space totaled 49 square feet. I was struggling and a little lost. But I had yoga to keep me focused and a whole lot of heart to keep my going. It would take a lot more than debt and unemployment to make me pack my bags and run home.
Posted on: April 22nd, 2009 by Lori Deschene - 54 Comments
We all know at least one hardcore people pleaser. You know the signs: She sleeps in the rain and gets the flu so her friend’s dog can fit in the tent. She’s 100% republican but lied about her vote because the nation had Obama fever. If a friend calls her stupid, she whips up a batch of cookies, and makes a card that reads, “I’m sorry for disappointing you.” And despite all her over-the-top efforts to be liked by everyone, many people disrespect her. Maybe that’s you, maybe it’s not–but odds are, you can relate at least a little to the desire to be well-liked. Who doesn’t want to feel accepted, respected, and appreciated?
This isn’t a post about overcoming people-pleaser tendencies–you can find that info here. This post won’t teach you how to make friends and avoid alienating people–you can find that info here. If you generally do your best to learn and grow every day but occasionally stress about other people’s opinions then yes, this post is for you. It’s awesome not everyone likes you because: (more…)
Posted on: April 20th, 2009 by Lori Deschene - 11 Comments
At a recent family gathering two family members got in a fight that ended with screams and tears. Though it doesn’t happen often nowadays, I grew up around similar chaos. Oftentimes I drowned it out, but sometimes I fueled it–and other times I caused it. Then I discovered a few Buddhist principles that changed the way I acted and reacted. I learned to offer compassion instead of judgment–to diffuse hostility with understanding and kindness. When I saw how profoundly that affected my state of mind and everyone around me, I decided to practice and get better at it.
That, I believe, is the core of Buddhism: clearing your mind of fears, selfishness, and anger so love can work its magic. And it truly does take practice. It starts with meditation or yoga. They’re like mental maintenance; you stop your persistent internal monologue and find a sense of stillness. From that place of just being–instead of seeing the world around you with a critical eye–you can respond to people with loving-kindness, also known as “love without attachment.” That’s selfless love. And its effects are addictive. (more…)
Posted on: April 16th, 2009 by Lori Deschene - 4 Comments
The Playing for Change Foundation produced this soulful rendition of “Stand by Me,” a medley with different street performers from all over the world. Absolutely beautiful.
“This song says no matter who you are, no matter where you go in your life at some point you’re gonna need somebody to stand by you.”
Posted on: April 10th, 2009 by Lori Deschene - 6 Comments
Last month I published a post called 20 Signs You Don’t Need That Thing. It was all about going through your stuff and deciding which items suffocate your space. Hopefully you tossed the Chicken Little bobble head and that spandex and crinoline dress from the 80s.
Now here’s another question: once you get rid of the clutter how do you feel about the rest? Does it shape your identity? Does it consume your energy and thoughts? If this list resonates with you, it likely does…
20. When you go on vacation you ask your mother to check in on your HDTV.
19. If you were offered an all-expense paid trip to Paris but could only bring a carry-on bag, you’d opt for another week of 9–5…and you have one of these jobs.
18. You wrote a prenup to protect your possessions when you were 15.
17. The word donate draws a tear—and it’s not joy you’re feeling.
16. If you were in a hot air balloon that was going down you’d consider tossing your dog before your purse. (PETA: I didn’t mean it).
Posted on: April 8th, 2009 by Lori Deschene - 4 Comments
I realized yesterday I’ve amassed a vast resource of feel-good links to share on Twitter. In case you don’t catch my every tweet, here they are in all their glory. Smiling is contagious—so share it!
In a recent post I explored a few ways to practice kindness on a daily basis. What I failed to mention is that I sometimes limit my kindness–and I wish I didn’t have to.
We all know at least one hardcore people pleaser. You know the signs: She sleeps in the rain and gets the flu so her friend’s dog can fit in the tent. She’s 100% republican but lied about her vote because the nation had Obama fever. If a friend calls her stupid, she whips up a batch of cookies, and makes a card that reads, “I’m sorry for disappointing you.” And despite all her over-the-top efforts to be liked by everyone, many people disrespect her. Maybe that’s you, maybe it’s not–but odds are, you can relate at least a little to the desire to be well-liked. Who doesn’t want to feel accepted, respected, and appreciated?
At a recent family gathering two family members got in a fight that ended with screams and tears. Though it doesn’t happen often nowadays, I grew up around similar chaos. Oftentimes I drowned it out, but sometimes I fueled it–and other times I caused it. Then I discovered a few Buddhist principles that changed the way I acted and reacted. I learned to offer compassion instead of judgment–to diffuse hostility with understanding and kindness. When I saw how profoundly that affected my state of mind and everyone around me, I decided to practice and get better at it.
Last month I published a post called 
I realized yesterday I’ve amassed a vast resource of feel-good links to share on Twitter. In case you don’t catch my every tweet, here they are in all their glory. Smiling is contagious—so share it!
