You work yourself exhausted but your boss’ son gets a promotion. Your friend the smoker is healthy as a horse while you suffer from chronic pneumonia. Your wife has an affair yet somehow takes you to the cleaners in your divorce.
Things happen all the time that contradict our hope that good things will happen to good people. Hard work doesn’t always bring rewards. Good habits don’t guarantee health or happiness. Giving love and respect doesn’t ensure you’ll receive the same in return.
You may say life’s not fair—and I think you’d be right. But how does it serve us to dwell on that idea? Who benefits when we indulge bitterness, frustration, or anger? Or perhaps a better question is: who suffers?
I say we see we take this unavoidable truth and appreciate it for the possibilities it provides. Life isn’t fair, but that’s awesome because:
10. It helps you get better at accepting what is. When you don’t get what you feel you deserved, you could easily get stuck obsessing over how it should have been. I know–I’ve been there. It doesn’t help change the situation; and it only makes you feel you worse. When you accept what is you have power to change both yourself and your reality. How amazing that unfair situations allow you the opportunity to practice acceptance.
9. It encourages you to ask yourself the question: “Do I want to be a victim?” Every day we have countless opportunities to blame other people for situations in our lives. We can curse everyone from the mailman to the president for somehow screwing up our day. Or we can commit to taking responsibility for our future, and learn to repeatedly assess how we can accept and improve our life.
8. It reminds to appreciate what you have when you have it. It’s a harsh reality that you can lose anything at any time. Your boss could lay you off after a decade of loyal service; your husband could walk out the door even though you’ve been a faithful, loving wife. This tells me we need to cherish what we have at all times. And really, any reality that forces you to be present and grateful is a gift.
7. It inspires you to be proactive. Some people choose to complain instead of taking action because it’s easier and invites sympathy. Once again, I’ve been there! But what good does it really do you to know five coworkers agree your boss is Satan? It doesn’t get you the raise you wanted. It doesn’t change the bad evaluation you got. Every time you encounter an unfair situation you have the opportunity to take a stand.
6. It gives you the motivation to right bigger wrongs. If you’ve never experienced an unfair situation, you might not understand the impact of injustice on a larger scale. Dealing with your personal wrongs helps you feel and express compassion for others. For example, if you were abused you may devote energy to help stop domestic violence.
5. It teaches you to let go of attachment to outcomes. One of the biggest causes of suffering is our attachment to “how it should be.” The chips won’t always fall how you want them; sometimes that’s not a bad thing. For example, you may lose a job to a less qualified candidate and then find an even better one. As the Dalai Lama said, “Sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.”
4. It helps you learn to deal with pain. This quote sums it up: “Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.” We will experience difficult situations and emotions all throughout our lives. That doesn’t mean we need to endure never-ending anguish. We can instead choose to process a situation, experience the resultant feelings, and then move on.
3. It teaches you to turn on a dime (via Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach). The longer you take processing your feelings about a situation, the longer you’ll have to wait before taking action and improving tit. Every time things don’t go as you planned, you have a chance to act more quickly and efficiently than the last time.
2. It allows you to experience really interesting situations (by Dani of Positively Present). Imagine if everything always went smoothly. You got everything you wanted, never struggled or dealt with hardships. Wouldn’t life be pretty boring? The “unfairness” we perceive in the world pushes us into unknown territory which makes everything more exciting, and gives us opportunities to stretch ourselves.
1. It introduces you to ideas you’d never introduce into your life on your own (from Mary). She writes: “My mother’s dementia has taught me things, made me value so clearly the role of caregivers and how much love matters…..how it is all there is in the end.”
Bonus point: It teaches you that the quality of the people around you (by Chris Hough). He writes, “When you go through the hardest of times, the people that come to your aid are the ones that you will carry with you forever. The people that don’t, no matter how close you perceived them to be, should not be part of your inner circle. Pain and hardships help highlight who is, who has, and who will always be there for you throughout the roller coaster of life.”
I realize the title of this post implied there would be 10 points, but I decided to do something differently this time. I’d like you to fill in the rest. (I will add three points from the comments with credit and links to your sites). How can we use injustice to empower ourselves and become stronger, better people? How can we embrace the unpredictable nature of our world to help us stay positive and forward-moving? *Thanks for adding these valuable points! I enjoyed this interactive blogging experiment, and look forward to doing it again.
This weekend I went camping, an activity I generally enjoy. As I packed my bikini, camouflage skirt, and a few colorful bandanas, I remembered some highlights from camping trips past: lounging by the lake, drinking beer while playing volleyball, sharing way too much information during fireside Truth or Dare after overindulging in vodka drinks and smores. Yes, I fantasized about sloth and excess. No, the past did not repeat itself.
