At a recent family gathering two family members got in a fight that ended with screams and tears. Though it doesn’t happen often nowadays, I grew up around similar chaos. Oftentimes I drowned it out, but sometimes I fueled it–and other times I caused it. Then I discovered a few Buddhist principles that changed the way I acted and reacted. I learned to offer compassion instead of judgment–to diffuse hostility with understanding and kindness. When I saw how profoundly that affected my state of mind and everyone around me, I decided to practice and get better at it.
That, I believe, is the core of Buddhism: clearing your mind of fears, selfishness, and anger so love can work its magic. And it truly does take practice. It starts with meditation or yoga. They’re like mental maintenance; you stop your persistent internal monologue and find a sense of stillness. From that place of just being–instead of seeing the world around you with a critical eye–you can respond to people with loving-kindness, also known as “love without attachment.” That’s selfless love. And its effects are addictive.
So how do you practice in daily life? I take it off the yoga mat in four steps:
1. Commit to at least three random acts of kindness every day. Maybe it’s something simple, like telling someone they’re great at their job. Or perhaps it requires more effort, like helping an elderly woman with bags. Of course there is no limit! Kindness is like a fire–the more you stoke it, the brighter it burns.
2. Work toward kinder thinking. Example: a friend snaps at you for something that’s not your fault. You’re human–at first you might feel annoyed and think she’s being unfair and irrational. Choose a more compassionate thought, like: She’s feeling defensive, and that must be painful. What can I do to help? Kindness in thinking leads to kindness in action.
3. Ruminate on the kind deeds and thoughts of people greater than yourself. Martin Luther King, the Dalai Lama, Mother Theresa–these leaders inspired millions with their strength, humility, and kindness. We all carry the exact same potential to change lives by being better, stronger, and kinder every day. Even if you inspire just one person, you’ve tapped into your personal power.
4. Remember kindness is contagious and addictive. Many times when you act with kindness it comes back to you. When it doesn’t, you’ll still feel blessed. Positive intentions–and their ripple effect on your self esteem and state of mind–are greater than any validation you could get from someone else.
“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” -Dalai Lama
By Lori Deschene, originally published on DailyBuddhism.com, Photo by dingler1109
Has someone ever surprised you with a random act of kindness? Have you given that gift to someone else recently? I would love to read about your experiences in the comments!
Tags: Buddhism, compassion, kindness, random act of kindness
I think you should continue to tweet when u have a new post. I know some people don’t ’cause they don’t wanna push their stuff too hard on other people, but maybe someone having a hard time is browsing Twitter and sees someone made a post about something positive and they check it out. Happens to me when I need something good to hear instead of something gloomy and dark. I don’t remember if you were taking a Twitter break or not too (I have bad memory
).
This was a good post though. I can backup that it helps you deal with your own problems better and helps you to also think clearer and get less stressed aside from the other matters such as being nice and helping others.
Well written blog post, Lori. I second, Mike, about tweeting your posts. Actually, someone mentioned to me that there are services out there that will take your RSS feed and tweet your new posts automatically. Can’t remember off the top of my head what they were.
Mike~ Thank you for that feedback. I get a little cautious sometimes because I don’t want to overwhelm people with my blog posts. But I have to admit, it’s nice that Twitter gives writers instant access to an audience of potentially like-minded people. Most of the people I follow are positive thinkers who are doing big things in the world. I really value that I can share my writing with them (you included), and then open myself up to what they have to teach me.
Madison~ Thanks! I didn’t know about automatic blog post tweeting. I will definitely look into it. By the way, your website makes it very tempting to book a massage right now. How did you get into that business?
This is so great! I hope that spreading the word helps. You sent an act of kindness just by posting this for me to read!
I had soemone do something kind for me recently. I missed the T and my phone battery died and I was completely stressed out. This girl let me use her phone and was just all around really nice. At first I thought she was a Jehovah’s witness or had something to push on me but she was just being nice. I felt bad for thinking she had some kind of alterior motive. There are a lot of good people we just need to stop being so closed off.
Becky~ Thanks! I think it’s an empowering conversation to have. We can make a profound difference in other people’s lives just by offering kindness and compassion.
Liliana~ You bring up an interesting point. On the one hand, you want to look out for other people, but on the other hand you have to be somewhat guarded because there ARE people with ulterior motives (some far more dangerous than pushing religious views on you). I don’t like that I have to be a little cautious in this way, but it’s the best way to be kind to myself.
Hi Lori,
I recently came across your blog – I like your positive attitude and your way of thinking.. looking forward to future posts!
Thank you Jim! I love writing this blog, and I feel truly blessed that people read it and share their thoughts with me.
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