by Lori Deschene
It felt meaningful to me because I’d been there.
Junior high was difficult for me. At that point in time, I didn’t like myself and I was desperate to be accepted. In elementary school I was chubby; I wore a back brace for scoliosis; and I had braces and headgear for my crooked teeth and overbite.
Perhaps I grew crooked because there wasn’t a ton of sunlight in my pretty older sister’s shadow. Less poignant but likely more accurate, I was a kid with insecurities, like so many other kids across the world.
Whatever the case may be, I struggled, and was teased a lot, and hurt a lot, for a lot longer than necessary.
When Six78th Magazine–a new ‘tween publication with national distribution–advertised for writers in 2006, I felt I’d found my calling.
If there’s anything I enjoy doing, it’s taking past hurt and recycling it into something useful.
I sent the editor one of my dog blogs, which I’d written for the Steps Across America tour. She said my humor would work well for that age group, and assigned me an article for the premiere issue.
Just like that.
That one article turned into 50 articles over the magazine’s first year. I covered all the bases I could think of: perfectionism, friends who use you, the temptation to shape-shift to please your audience. One after another the assignments rolled in.
Until the next year when the magazine wanted to cut corners and told me they weren’t sure they could keep me.
Writing for girls gave me a sense of purpose like nothing else ever had. So I wrote to the editor of Discovery Girls–the magazine that groomed Six78th’s publisher before she set out on her own.
The readers were slightly younger there–between age 8 and 12 years old–but I still had a platform to talk to girls. I still had a chance to say the things I wish someone said to me. Preferably while hugging me and telling me I wasn’t a bad kid.
After a year-and-a-half of contributing, DG let me go mid-2009. They’d brought on a new editor who had her own team, and it was time for some new voices.
Between the two magazines, I had over 70 articles in print.
For a minute I felt like that kid again who could beat herself up better than anyone else. I was a failure. I’d gotten two opportunities to advance within an editorial staff, and I’d somehow missed out on both.
Since I’d lost my full-time writing job in February, all I had left to show for my craft was this blog, and guest posts I contributed elsewhere. In one fell swoop, I lost my purpose, my livelihood, and my belief in myself–almost.
This year has looked nothing like the cookie-cutter definition of success. Multiple employers chose to stop working with me; I made very little money; and I stopped doing the single most important job I’ve ever had.
But as I step back and look at it from a different angle, this year has been the most successful of my entire life.
I’ve started writing about things that really matter to me, on this blog and on recently on tinybuddha. I’ve made connections with people who stand for similar ideals. I’ve planted seeds for a future that feels right, regardless of the income it draws. And most importantly, I’ve finally learned the lessons that chubby little 12-year old wasn’t able to hear:
- Sometimes other people will think badly of you–you can let them without following suit.
- Doing what you love, and doing your best, are accomplishments worth being proud of.
- It’s never over. There are always more opportunities to grow and make a difference.
- No matter what you accomplish, you deserve to feel happy.
I hope whatever you’re doing, you know you deserve some credit, regardless of what you’ve achieved, lost, or gained.
Photo by naitokz
Will you please support me today? I’m currently in 1st place in the Good Mood Blogger contest! You can vote once a day by clicking on “vote” here. No registration required; it just takes one click. December 7th is the last day of voting. Let me know if I can do anything to help or support you!
Tags: dream, failure, junior high, magazine, middle school, success
What a beautiful post. I know a lot of people who aren’t dealing with losing their jobs well. I think its hard to remember all you’ve accomplished when you lose your livelihood. Thanks for this great reminder to keep going and go strong.
This is a great one, Lori. I’m really lovin’ how you open up more and more with every post. Just so you know, I’ve been voting for you every day. Hope you win!
This came at just the right time for. Lost my job last week and it’s been a rough time. Thank you!
I look at your accomplishments and what you’ve shared of where you came from, and I think of what a great success story you are! Success should be measured in happiness… rather than money, things, high-status jobs, etc. The beauty of happiness is only you have the power to give it to yourself or take it away.
There are never regrets in doing what you love, living in the moment, and staying true to yourself. I know it’s hard to be happy when bills have to be paid and money is tight, but you are SO on the right path Lori, and you ARE a success, in this moment, right now, no matter where the path may lead
Lexi~ Thanks for reading and commenting. If there’s one message the economy gives loud and clear, I think it’s this: we define success on our own terms. (As @LAactress said below).
Dani~ Thank you! I really enjoy being open about my experiences. It’s new to me to do that here, but I appreciate knowing you enjoy it! I also appreciate that you’ve voted for me. I am touched by all the support from every corner of the Twitterverse and blogosphere.
Dahlia~ I can imagine how you feel–I remember being in that place earlier this year. I hope you’re doing OK with everything, and that you’re not feeling too worried or upset. If you need a sympathetic ear, I’m here! You can reach me at lorideschene @ gmail.com.
@LAactress~ Thank you for what you wrote. I think it’s tempting to define success or happiness on other people’s terms, but I feel much happier and much more satisfied when I do that on my own. It’s been a pretty good year =) How is the contest coming along? I’ve been voting!
Thank you for voting! I’ve been voting for you too! I feel like it’s good karma
And it must have worked: my film is in 1st place now!!! Just 2 weeks ago I was in 8th! I can’t believe it, I have no idea how it happened. Just the trickle-down effect I guess, people retweeting, facebooking, etc. I actually wrote a little about it in my (not-so-private-anymore) blog: http://beginnerfilmmaker.blogspot.com/ (just accounts of my work, venting about the struggles, etc).
How is your contest going?? What place are you in?
That’s so cool you used to write for kids. I always wanted to do something like that but I had no idea where to start. If you have any tips I’d love to hear them. It sounds like you’ve done really well, even if this wasn’t the best year with money. Sometimes I feel like I can’t do the things I want to do but other times I feel confident I can. Thanks for the motivation to keep going.
Spot on with the timing. I forwarded this to my wife who really needs to read this. Thanks.
@LAactress~ Wow that’s so awesome!! I’m so excited to hear you’re in 1st place! It’s amazing how social networking can spread an idea like that. Congrats on making it to the top. Anyone reading, help keep @LAactress in 1st place by voting for her film every day until December 7th:
http://www.gotspot.com/va.do?m=vcad&fc=true&cId=229&aid=1985&pn=5
My contest is going well. I’m in 2nd place. In my case, I don’t need to be 1st. The judges have a say in who wins; but I imagine it will be helpful to stay in the top 3. I can’t wait to see how it all pans out!
Have a Happy Thanksgiving =)
Carolyn~ Thank you! I really loved writing for that age group. Part of me felt like it was time to move on when I stopped. It’s been nice writing more for adults this year. In answer to your question, sure! I’m happy to give you some tips. Drop me a line at lorideschene @ gmail.com.
Dan~ I’m so glad to hear that this post may be helpful. Have a great night and Happy Thanksgiving!
I think many of us are attracted to those who are willing to show vulnerability, because the truth is, life is a series of beginnings and endings for all. I hope you win your blog contest; I have voted for you every day, and encouraged my friends and followers on Facebook and Twitter to do so as well. Don’t give up. Your voice is important. You affect many more people than you know, and in a time when discouragement and anxiety is all around us, your voice of optimism, hope, and authenticity can change a life. Believe it.
Doug~ Thank you for what you wrote. I think you’re right about beginnings and endings. It’s all a process of changing and becoming. Sometimes you’re at a high place, sometimes you’re at a low place, but the low doesn’t have to be so bad if you see it as the start of a new journey.
What you wrote about me affecting people made a big difference in my day. It’s my greatest hope for my writing. Thank you again, and thank you so much for supporting me in the contest!