Lori Deschene

I recently wrote a post on Tiny Buddha about wanting less, explaining how we can be happier if we stop assuming happiness is tied up in something down the road. With that in mind this post might seem ironic. I don’t think it is, though.

You see I’m reading this awesome book, 365 Health and Happiness Boosters. In one of the sections, the author suggests creating a want list to give yourself things to look forward to. I think there’s a place for enjoying what you have now, and also for enjoying the seeds of what you’ll create later.

It’s gratifying to imagine a possibility and then create it. I suspect the key to finding happiness in this practice is to focus on quality, not quantity; and to be sure the dream of tomorrow isn’t an escape from today.

So here’s my want list, the things that get me excited right now:

1. My book. I am moving very close to publishing my first book, and that feels amazing on so many levels. I feel proud of myself, excited to know I’ve made a difference, and just plain giddy about this new adventure.

2. Fun in my upcoming vacations. The past few months have been work-intensive. Before August 1st, I’ll spend five days in Sedona, one week in Vegas, a weekend in the Cape, 4 days in NYC, and about three weeks in Boston. When I’m not writing, I  intend to watch movies, lay by pools, drink margaritas, and generally do whatever the hell I feel like doing. Can’t wait!

3. A garden. I just signed up for a CSA program to get locally grown, organic vegetables. When I move into my new place in August, I want to start growing my own. I have no idea what I’m doing, and that, to me, is awesome. Yay for learning something new! (And getting to eat…)

4. A new workout routine. Since I’ve been so busy, working out has fallen to the wayside. I can sometimes be a black-and-white person, and this is something I challenge every day. I’ve decided to buy a bike so I can take a short ride whenever I want, and get just a little exercise, even if not a ton.

5. A new car. I’ve always said cars aren’t important to me, and I still feel that way. But my car is officially dilapidated. It’s a ‘96 Toyota with a cassette player and roll-up windows. This year, I want a new car. I don’t care what car or whether it’s fully loaded. I just want something that feels a little cleaner and newer…for no reason other than just because.

And that’s it. That’s what I want right now. Here’s where the fun part comes in–now I get to create it.

*That’s a picture of me and a horse at this medieval show which reminds me: I want to go horse backriding.

I write a great deal about being authentic and vulnerable in interactions, so I’ve decided to write a little something that makes me feel vulnerable. If past experience is any indication, I suspect it will also make me feel liberated, so here goes.

I became a writer because it harnesses some of my greatest strengths. For example:

I excel at analyzing. I explore topics from every possible angle, which allows me to write thorough explorations.

I have an intense sense of empathy. Whenever I write about something, whether I have direct experience or not, I can feel what it would be like to be in that moment.

I feel purposeful when I am helping someone. I don’t write for pageviews or RTs. I truly want to make a difference in people’s lives.

But I am also a writer because it indulges some of my weaknesses:

I am a perfectionist; and writing allows me to edit my thoughts into, what I feel, is a well-crafted presentation.

I feel safest interacting one-on-one. I work from home by myself, and sometimes at the end of the day I have connected with far more people through the written word than I have face-to-face. Being part of a group pushes me out of my comfort zone. Writing allows me to maintain a type of intimacy that feels safe.

I started tinybuddha.com to help people apply wisdom to real life, but also to help myself. You see, I am not an after picture. I am a work in progress. I’ve come along way in the past ten years, but I have challenges, just like everyone else. It’s important for me to share that, partly for me and partly for whoever reads this.

No matter where my writing takes me, no matter what problems I help people solve through my articles and future creations, it’s important for me to never lose sight of what started all of this. And that’s one simple idea: to really live, we have to be willing to let go of what’s familiar and trust in other people.

So today I’m letting go, and I’m trusting you enough to share it. I’m stepping out from behind my laptop and admitting I have room to grow. I’m acknowledging where I need to focus my energy for personal growth to affirm the actions I’ll take tomorrow.

I really believe we are all in this together. No matter what I produce, or where my work takes me, it’s this belief that makes it worthwhile.

Thank you for being there.

*The picture is me, without makeup, in my brother’s old pants and my Dad’s old sweater. The dog’s name is Jax, and I love him.