I was 24 years old. Young enough to think just moving to New York was enough to make my dreams come true. Old enough to know that’s not quite the way it works.
I’d spent my first 18 years clawing my way to the top of everything that interested me, and the next 6 slowly learning the art of failure and humility. At 24 I knew I had to become someone important, but I was desperate to find the elevator to success. I didn’t think I had the energy to make up it up the stairs.
When I arrived at my interview for marketing job—as it was so descriptively advertised on Craigslist—I was shocked to see 25 other eager faces, all waiting in the same room. The whiteboard read, Who wants to work smarter, not harder and earn six figures?
Sign me up, I thought. This looked promising.
A 22-year old Hispanic girl named Wakia led us through a 45-minute presentation. She never once asked for the resume I carried in my second-hand briefcase. She didn’t ask a single person for their name. Instead she exuded an infectious energy and explained how she recently bought her own home while helping other people do the same.
If you were born yesterday—as I clearly had been—please forgive me for spoiling the surprise ending to this story. She hadn’t bought a house. She didn’t make six figures. And no one else did, either.
Of course I didn’t see that then. I hadn’t yet honed my whole “seeing good” philosophy.
She told us Excel Communications was hiring marketing representatives. We would sell our friends and family phone and internet packages, and find other people who wanted to do the same thing. Every time we made a sale, we got paid. Sweet! Every time those other people made a sale, we got paid. Sweet! And it only cost $499 to get involved.
Back it up, I thought. You want me to give you $500 dollars to make sales for your company? Where do I sign for that swamp land in Florida?
Oh young grasshopper, she chuckled, you’ve been programmed to doubt. It’s the negative programming that keeps us all stuck working for the man. It costs to get involved because you’ll be running your own business. Your business. Your profits. Your tax deductions. Your freedom.
Your losses, too, of course. But she didn’t emphasize that.
Though I was skeptical, I thought it somewhat made sense. The more people you get involved—who simply switch their friends’ phone service—the more money you could earn. Residually. A little every month for all the people underneath you. And that team would grow exponentially as time went on. It was actually kind of beautiful. The more people you helped, the more you helped yourself.
I signed on the dotted line.
I switched my friends and family on day one, then spent the next two months begging other people to do the same. Every day I pounded the pavement with two kids named Anthony and Eric. They told me they were making bank, and soon enough I would, too. If I started leading the presentations for the whole team, that is. Just like Wakia.
Why in the world would I do that? I hadn’t yet made a dime. I didn’t have a house to brag about. Sure, I was a positive, energetic person, but what credibility did I really have?
You’re white, Eric told me.
I’d noticed all the kids who hung around the office were either black or Hispanic, but I didn’t really think much of it. I didn’t want to think anything of it. People are good, I thought to myself. I won’t be someone who judges inner city kids.
But other people do, Eric explained. If you run the presentations, more people will trust the system, more people will sign up, and everyone will make more money. Everyone could be as rich and happy as Wakia, Anthony, and Eric.
How could I argue with that?
Only problem was I lacked the confidence to sell people on giving away $500. Anthony told me I was doing them a favor, and I believed it on some level. That I was handing them the keys to financial freedom. As much as I believed that door would open, I crumbled the second I saw skeptical faces. And I just didn’t have it in me to lie about what I earned.
Don’t listen to the haters, Eric said. Negative people are like crabs in a barrel. They’ll try to pull you down. You got to stay positive. That’s how Dakota became a millionaire.
*Dakota Bragg. Now there’s a name I’ll never forget. He was the leader of this particular Excel tribe, called Dynasty. He’d started it all by recruiting one person, and then two, and then ten, and then fifty, who all started doing the same. The most successful people, he said, were coachable. They’d do everything they were told, exactly as he explained it, without questioning him at any step of the way.
But I had questions. And he had answers—just not ones I wanted to hear.
What about people who never made back their $500? It means they got negative. That’s not your fault. What if friends and family don’t want to change their service? Keep badgering them. They want to help you. They’ll do it eventually. What if someone’s credit isn’t good enough to get on a plan? Give them an add-on plan to trigger your payment. They can cancel it before they’re charged. They love you and they want to help you deep down.
Giving people a plan without their consent was the straw that broke the camel’s back. After four months and nary a paycheck in sight—after learning Wakia, Anthony, Eric and the 50 other kids in the office weren’t making a dime—I decided I’d done a horrible thing.
I’d refused to see dishonesty because I wanted to believe the best in people.
I refused to suspect these kids because they were black and Hispanic, and I thought doubting them would indulge a stereotype.
I refused to think critically because I believed I couldn’t do that and think positively, as well.
I realized then Dakota’s Excel Communications downline contained two types of people: the kind who believed they were scamming others, but it was worth it to get rich. And the kind who believed they were helping others, and didn’t realize they were actually deceiving them. I was in the latter group.
I decided it was time to show the world the emperor had no clothes.
Dakota had accidentally sent a mass email without blind-carbon-copying his downline. I had over 500 email addresses from people all over the country who likely weren’t earning back their sign-up fees. I sent them my story. How the recruitment ad was deceptive. How they coached me to run presentations when I hadn’t yet made a penny. How no one made a penny, other than Dakota and a few others on top.
How a company like that thrives because the founding ideas are beautiful—positivity, commitment, teamwork—but they’re all masks for mass-deception.
It was the beginning of the end for that dynasty. And a new beginning for me.
Bad things happen to positive people when they see the world only as it should be. Though I’m nowhere near as naive as I was at one time, this has always been a hard one for me to accept. I want to see the best in people. I want to lift them up when others would pull them down. I want to believe in lightness when other people might only see the dark.
But the reality is people will mislead you. People will act selfishly. People will do bad things. I’ve learned the key to reconciling this truth with a positive perspective:
See people for both the best and the worst in them, and love them anyways.
You can’t only see the good. It’s only half the picture. That’s how people get hurt. You must see reality as it actually is. Acknowledging the bad doesn’t have to mean becoming a cynic. You don’t need to lose faith in people in order to know they’ll sometimes make poor choices.
You just have to recognize what it looks like so you can offer a different kind of love: the kind that says, you’re making a bad choice, and I won’t follow you, but I believe in your ability to do better.
I believe in that. I believe Nekoda, Wakia, Anthony and Eric have the potential to be honest and caring in their actions. Whether they changed their ways in the last six years I don’t know. I’d like to think they grew and learned and took more honest paths.
I know odds are they didn’t all do that. I definitely wouldn’t go into business with them again. But I’ll never stop believing they can change.
by Lori Deschene
Related Post: Is Kindness a Weakness?
*Name slightly altered to avoid retaliatory action.
**I chose this title because it’s catchy, and it relates to my points here. In clarification, I don’t believe thinking positively guarantees you’ll end up in bad situations; I think it’s a possibility if you refuse to think critically. I also don’t believe something bad “happened” to me. I made choices that led me into a difficult situation that I ultimately learned from. I’m grateful for that.
Great story and a terrific message to your readership. There are many who may have believed that they need to “see good: without question. This post teaches them the valuable lesson of seeing reality with a positive perspective. To choose to love and see potential despire poor choices is a huge gift for you and for those you love.
Hi Lori, what impresses me about your experience is that you didn’t become cynical about it and about people. It would have been so easy for you to not put faith into folks anymore, but you still do, with eyes wide open. Thanks for sharing this and keeping yourself open.
Hi Lori, that was an interesting story. Many years ago a friend tried to get me involved in this. His father, who I knew, was actually making several thousand dollars a month. I declined. Your story has an important point. I think you can be positive and see the good in people while at the same time being conservative with your actions. Nice article!
Thanks for sharing this story, Lori. I think you’ve brought up a great point about how you can be positive and look for the good without giving up parts of yourself. Great post!
This minds me of a college experience I had when a girl on college campus told me if I was interested in making money. I said yes and during the night, we went into this meeting where a guy (I think he was Latino), was giving a demonstration to about 50 people telling about how we could be rich, wealthy, financially free, etc. The demonstration showed a lot of fancy cars, nice houses, and basically a luxurious lifestyle.
The basis was that we would have to pay $300 to get in, and then get others to pay us, in which we would get commission. All this sound easy so I said, “Okay.” At the end of the night, the girl walked me back to the college ATM machine so I could give her the money so she could tell “the others” that they had recruited me.
I don’t know why… but my intuition told me not to go through with this. I told the girl I didn’t feel like doing this and made up an excuse that I needed the money badly for college. She felt sorry and let me go, telling me that that she would tell the others that she had gotten the money from me.
Fast forward a year later, I asked the girl hows the business going? She told me that she didn’t make much from it, and additionally that the business failed…
Later I found out that I was almost going to be involved in a pyramid scheme (makes me shutter when I think of this), and I’ve never liked those people because they are deceptive to others (one guy wrote a long article about his experience where he was in one of these things, risen to the top, and got out of it).
Although I don’t really trust these people (because I don’t think the business actually gives value to others), it’s cool that you still can think positively about them.
Anyway, sorry for this long comment. Thanks for sharing this Lori!
Excellent post Lori, and I especially agree with “See people for both the best and the worst in them, and love them anyways.” Its not to say you can not trust people but hedging your bets until you know just who they really are is a safer route to take. I too have been burned by a few people close to me, and although it somewhat hurts future relationships, it teaches you that not everyone, and is some cases most people only care about themselves or the bottom line, not the greater good of others.
hope you have a great week
What a perfect point you make about seeing the world as it should be instead of seeing the world as it is.
Mike~ Well said. I think learning to see good without blinders is such an important lesson. I know it was for me.
chehaw~ I think what helps me avoid cynicism is remembering all the times I did things I wasn’t proud of. If people judged me on my worst moments, they’d miss out on my best. I don’t want to miss out on other people’s best. Thank you for reading and offering your thoughtful comment =)
Stephen~ I didn’t realize anyone actually made money at Excel. I’m glad to know there were people involved who got out unscathed when the company went bankrupt (due, in large part, to Dakota cheating the system–signing up people who canceled weeks later). Thank you for the kind words!
Dani~ Thank you! It’s such a hard line to teeter, I think.
Tristan~ You made the right choice! Isn’t it interesting to think how life would be different if you’d made just one choice differently? I’m glad you trusted your gut on that one. Thanks so much for sharing your experience here. I love learning about other people’s stories.
Chris~ I suspect you’re right. On the surface of things people often feel consumed by perceptions of their own needs (money, assets, etc). When I realize I can relate to the feelings and fears–even if not to the choices other people make–I feel more apt to love. I hope you have a great week, as well =)
Bridget~ Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed this article.
There are scams like that all over the place. People should know that if things look to good tobe true they usually are. Success can be obtained though with some real work and dedication!
This was painful to read. I think that everyone goes through something like this once, and what is impressive is how you’ve used it as a lesson. My thoughts on the subject are that the most important thing to learn is how to develop our gut instinct/vibes/intuition, a.k.a. street smarts. Nothing more powerful than seeing the good AND the whole picture at the same time.
Hi’yas. A really late reply to this post. Up to my shoulders in content I been trying to get through. So little time. I wanted to mention the part where you said “Bad things happen to positive people when they see the world only as it should be.” That is something that I also have a hard time coming to terms with, even now sometimes. There is a lot of other things I agree with in your post, but that specifically stuck out to me specifically.
Wow, now THAT’s a craigslist story! I’ve learned there is no faster way to be successful than to follow your passion. Put as much time and energy as you can into the things you truly love and they will lead you to greatness.
This is a really interesting story. What a lesson you learned! My favorite line is your advice to see the good and bad in people and love them anyway.
Amber~ You’re right about that. There’s no short cut to success!
Kate~ You make a great point. I had gut instincts at different points in that process, and I just ignored them. I thought they were wrong. Now I know to really listen to what I feel.
Mike~ I hear you. There’s always so much to read! Thanks for leaving your thoughts =)
Michelle~ And if they don’t, at least you’ll be happy with how you spend your time, right?
Jodi~ Thank you for reading! I think that was the most valuable lesson I ever learned, actually.
I love that you write about seeing the world as it is, rather than as you think it should be.
No point arguing with reality, because reality always wins.
Was that lesson worth $500? Fairly steep, but I expect the knowledge gained will serve you well.
Oh man if I added up all the money I spent on lessons learned, I’d have many times more than my savings account! But the way I see it you can always earn more money. When you can’t, you can learn more lessons.
Great post. I got into Excel many years ago when it first started. You always heard the story about the person who is making millions. I went to a couple of Amway presentations. Getting rich was always the underlying message for both Excel and Amway.
People do make money at these. I just don’t have the personality it takes to do that kind of thing.
There is a secret that most of these people don’t know, and the ones that do won’t tell you. If you want to make money for sure in Excel or Amway or any similar business you have to sell the tools that people want. Motivational tapes/CD’s/DVD’s. Hold seminars and charge for admittance. You can probably figure out the rest.
Its like that old saying… the only people who got rich in the gold rush were the ones selling the shovels and gold pans.
Hi Steven~ I think you hit the nail on the head. Making money in network marketing is often more about convincing people they can make money. What made it so difficult for me was realizing everyone I’d met vastly inflated their earnings because they were trying to “fake it ’til they make it.” It made me question how likely it was anyone actually “made it.” I’d never heard that saying before, but how fitting!
good… however i still don’t understand how i can see the positive and the negative and still love them, besides people who drive slow.. i always was taught as a child to love everyone, and that everyone is good, and your suggestion to think someone could be bad, just goes against the innate laws..
All I have to say is that I am lucky to have a husband who balances my seeing everything in a good light when it comes to business opportunities and such. I like you like to see people in a positive light and my husband has always said I am a salesperson’s dream. (Guess that’s why he married me as he has always been in sales)
Even seasoned people like my husband can get roped into so called scams. Our lesson was a drop more expensive but worth it.